How to Calm Someone Down
We have all been around someone who is highly anxious, frustrated, upset or even angry. It may be someone you are close to like your child, partner, or co-worker. When these moments occur, there may be a part of you that wants to get away as quickly as possible while another part of you may be eager to know more. Yet, trying to help or figure things out when someone is upset rarely works and, in some cases, can make things worse.
Here are some pointers on how to calm someone down:
Listen to Your Gut. First and foremost, if you sense you are in physical or emotional danger safety will always come first. Therefore, if someone is out of control, perhaps verbal or physically abusive you are going to want to get help, call the police or get help from an adult you can trust, like a close friend, neighbor or teacher. If the person is a child and is in danger of harming themselves or someone else, it is important that you find a way to keep them safe. Remove them from the situation, quickly, calmly, and as swiftly as possible.
Remain Calm. If there is no danger, let’s say you have a child that is crying or a partner that is raising their voice the most important thing is you remain calm yourself. When someone is upset this is not the time to pour a little gasoline on the fire. For example, if your child is upset that someone ate the last piece of cake or your partner is telling you they are sick and tired of doing all the work, the best thing you can do is be present to yourself. In other words, breath. This let’s your body know that you are safe, and you are choosing to remain neutral. If need be, move to another room or go outside for a few minutes to take a few slow, deep breaths (preferably in and out through your nose).
Break Your Part in The Pattern. Once things have settled down it is important that you take a moment to process your emotions. This is key and you will want to be sure to attend to your emotions sooner than later. Ideally the same day of the situation. This is where Cleansing (the seven, mindful steps of an Emotional Detox) come in. When you don’t take time to process what you feel you can end up suppressing, burying emotions such as fear, anxiety, or anger. This can be very toxic to you and others. I always say if a situation is happening in front of you then it is likely you have some small role in the pattern. This means there are emotions in you (unprocessed) that mirror the situation. In other words, if you have buried an emotion such as anger then one of the ways the universe shows you, you have this emotion is to put a situation (like an upset person) right in front of you. You may think it is about calming them down however, what is really happening is the universe wants to process what may be feeding the pattern. If you are not sure how to do that refer to one of my Emotional Detox books.
Vibrate What You Want. Once you process your emotions your job is to vibrate what you want. In other words, as your emotions increase in vibration (which is what happens when you move through the Cleanse steps) what once felt like fear, anger, anxiety transforms into higher emotional states such as harmony, compassion, and love. I know most people want to fix or figure out a situation, how to make someone change or feel better however, I don’t recommend that, as those behaviors may reinforce the original (reactive) pattern.
Trust the Solutions Will Come. As you vibrate in these higher states of consciousness trust the answers, solutions will come to you. All these answers are already inside of you. The challenge is when you become defensive or withdrawal you decrease the likelihood that you will discover them.
Being around someone who is upset can be difficult however it can also be an opportunity to Cleanse, some emotions which having been buried for a long time. Choosing to feel (process) your emotions is a way to contribute to a calm, loving atmosphere. Be sure to look for my new book, Emotional Detox NOW: 135 Practices (Cleanses) to Renew Your Mind, Heart & Spirit.