How to Feel Less Lonely
And More Connected
Connecting with others virtually has never been so easy yet feeling lonely has hit an all-time high. According to Scientific America, “Loneliness has been a growing problem for decades—with some estimating that 61 percent of adults in the United States feel it—and it’s only been made worse by the COVID-19 lockdown.” Young people are of particular concern. Sian Leah Beilock, author of the article, Why Young Americans Are So Lonely, in it she references, a survey released in 2020 found that 71 percent of millennials and almost 79 percent of Gen Z respondents report feeling lonely—a significantly greater proportion than other generations. While the article offers several tips on how to break the lonely cycle, I wanted to take a moment here to discuss how an Emotional Detox can help.
First of all, when I use the terms Emotional Detox I am referring to a seven step, mindful practice placed in the acronym of CLEANSE. The system can be found in the Emotional Detox book series.
You see something really cool happens when you begin to really process (rather than think about) what you feel… you gain insight. One of the things I have learned about the emotion of loneliness is it can be a sign that you are reliving (a memory) a time when you felt alone or left out. As a result, you may have learned to manage these heavy feelings of sadness or loneliness by judging yourself. Perhaps you said things to yourself like, no one likes me, or they prefer someone else over me.
When it comes to an Emotional Detox you won’t be getting rid of loneliness per say, what you will be clearing is the ways that you cope with this feeling (the things you said to yourself). This means you will be moving through the Cleanse steps, as a way to release these ways of coping (avoiding what you felt). Once you move through these steps, strategies such as the five outlined below can help build your energy so that these types of emotions move freely through you, decreasing the chance you will get bogged down or consumed by emotions such as loneliness.
Here are five additional tips:
1. Bring Plants into The Home. Plants bring oxygen in the room which can help improve the quality of air you breathe. Oxygen is an essential ingredient to learning how to process what you feel. Plants also have a way of getting you to pause, turn inward and breathe (inhale and exhale).
2. Go Beyond Texting. It can be so easy to reach out to someone, send a quick text letting them know you wish them a happy birthday. To feel less lonely, you are going to want to go beyond the text, maybe speak live on the phone or better yet suggest you meet up for a bite to eat. If you are concerned about Covid, be creative, find a quiet place outside to catch up.
3. Get a Pet. Animals are a wonderful way to break the lonely cycle. They can provide a source of unconditional love and support. There is nothing more soothing than the sound of a cats purr to calm your nervous system down. If you can’t have a pet, then consider volunteering at a local shelter. I know my local shelter has regular dog walkers and cat visitors.
4. Volunteer. There is something about helping others that can be very uplifting to your own energy and attitude. Before jumping in, think about what you are interested in, where would you like to spend your time? For example, if you enjoy books, think about volunteering at a local library.
5. Listen to Music. This one is one of my personal favorites. If you are not sure what type of music to listen to consider downloading the Relaxx App. Might I recommend the Humming meditation music. Once I put that on, I can feel the heaviness lifting.
While it is normal to feel lonely from time to time, when left unprocessed, it can lead to social isolation, anxiety, and depression. While feeling your emotions may be the last thing on your mind, resisting what you feel (by telling yourself hurtful things) is far worse. Trust as you move through these reactions (via the Cleanse) and incorporate ways to connect with others, what you will gain in return will be well worth it.
For more support, join sheriannaboyle.com where we come together weekly to practice spiritual tools for emotional balance and well being.