3 Reasons You Can't Let Go and What to Do About It
By Sherianna Boyle
Whether it is a loss of a loved one or a relationship, or an unexpected life change, letting go can be one of the most challenging experiences one can face. It seems the more emotionally charged the situation is the harder it is to let go. For some people, just the idea of letting go can be an agonizing experience.
With a little support, time and patience you can gain the inner strength to be able to release your grip on the past so that you can live more fully in the present with ease. Here are 3 common reasons people can’t let go along with some tips for releasing:
1) Guilt
The emotion of guilt is a stuck emotion. When feeling guilty, you may also feel powerless, not good enough or ashamed. You may have stories or narratives in your mind that make you responsible for the suffering of another. Guilt isn’t a “bad” emotion per se, as sometimes it can sway us from doing something hurtful to ourselves (e.g. self-criticism) or another living being, yet left unprocessed, guilt can contribute to great suffering.
Guilt creates an internal conflict between you and the thing (person or situation) you are trying to let go of.
Letting Go Tip:
Reframe the phrase letting go with surrender. To let go means to release, which for some people is just too triggering. While surrender is also about releasing, it has more of an overtone of handing over (the situation, event, experience) to something greater.
2) You Want to Know Why
As an Emotional Detox Coach®, one of the most common ways I see people holding on is through their attachment of wanting to know why. They want to know why someone decided to break off the relationship, or a loved one didn’t talk to them about what was going on in their life. While having answers to past experiences can help provide closure, the reality is for some things you may never know.
Letting Go Tip:
The moment you quit asking why, you surrender your need to know. This can be a very courageous moment and an opportunity to feel something you may have never thought you were capable of. Notice how your mind keeps itself busy with these questions. Give yourself permission to experience some peace. Get outside in nature more where the energy of surrender is plentiful. Trust the answers may come, yet not everything will show up in the way you expect it.
3) Denial
Denial is a form of a defense mechanism. It can be a way to protect yourself from feeling pain. Here is the challenge, letting go requires you to feel more, not less. Denial shows up in all shapes and sizes. Sometimes you can pick it up in someone’s language when they repeat phrases such as, I am fine or It’s all good.
Other ways denial happens is when someone turns to outside substances and outlets such as sugar, alcohol, or overworking as a way to manage their emotions.
Letting Go Tip:
Protecting yourself from pain is an illusion. In other words, at some point you have to ask yourself, am I really protecting myself from pain or have I just gotten really good at avoiding my own emotions? Remember, we will all experience pain at some point and you have no control over that. However, you can transform that pain into more pleasurable experiences when you choose to feel.
If you are not sure how to do that, you might want to pick up a copy of Emotional Detox Now which includes one hundred and thirty-five practices for emotional processing. There is even an emotional detox practice for Letting Go.
Letting Go
The bottom line is you can’t control what you feel and let go at the same time, it just doesn’t work that way. Letting go isn’t just a choice, it is a practice.
Should you choose to let go, you will likely discover what it is like to enter a healing state. On the other hand, if you resist the idea, in many ways you are saying to the universe, I am not done with suffering. Yet before you decide, here is something you ought to know. As you enter a healing state, letting go happens naturally and gradually. So, if you are picturing the process as one monumental move, let me reassure you that is not the case.
Picture letting go like releasing the railing as you walk down a staircase. You don’t have to run down those stairs, you can move at your own pace. You can also choose to take in the moment along the way by observing yourself in the moment. Notice your breathing, take in the sites, and smells around you, they will give you strength. Each time you pause, take an inhale and exhale, you are making a choose to surrender, release control, and awaken to your true potential.
Release Your Emotions
Practice releasing, transforming and surrendering virtually with Sherianna through yoga, meditation and spiritual tune-ups when you join Energy In Action™.